Tag Archives: Jobs

Graduate applies for non-dream job

A recent university graduate has left onlookers puzzled, after she applied for a job role that was not a key part of her life plan.  Felicity Sawyer, 21, applied for a place on Deloitte’s Risk Consulting graduate scheme, despite the fact that she had only recently heard of Deloitte, let alone Risk Consulting.

“I don’t know, it seemed like a good idea at the time,” explained Felicity.  “I graduated last year, and didn’t have any plans, so went travelling for a few months.  When I got back my parents told me I needed to get a job, so I just applied to the first thing I came across.”

Such a glib approach to application left the HR team at Deloitte dumbfounded.  “We were shocked, I must say,” said Deloitte’s recruiting representative.  “The majority of applicants for this program have wanted to work for Deloitte as a Risk Consultant since they sprung into the world, so to have such a misguided, last-minute application left us quite frankly appalled.”

Felicity’s parents, Mel and John, were embarrassed at the whole situation. “We didn’t realise she had gone so far off the rails.  When we told Fi to follow her dreams, we presumed she understood that meant building your life plan around a specific graduate role at one of the Big Four.”

So pastures new, for Felicity.  She was upbeat when we left her.  “I still don’t really know what Risk Consulting is, to be honest.  I think I’d much rather start writing some kind of business satire blog.  I’m sure there’s lots of money in that.”

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Pfizer offer fails to impress AstraZeneca

UK business news is awash with Pfizer’s thus far unsuccessful attempt to purchase fellow pharmaceutical company AstraZeneca.  The US Viagra manufacturer’s latest bid of £63B left the AstraZeneca board unimpressed.

AstraZeneca are reportedly keen to do the deal, with an insider reporting that “this is on Pfizer to get the price up.  I know they’re 165 years old, but that’s no excuse, we’re an attractive asset.  They’ve got to do better than that”

Called upon for comment, a Pfizer board member was just confused.  “This has honestly never happened to us before.  We’ve never had stage fright, and we’ve made lots of acquisitions.”

Meanwhile some onlookers are more long-termist, concerned as to whether Pfizer are really in for a serious commitment, with both MPs and Unions demanding guarantees that Pfizer will protect jobs and research spending in the UK, and not just leave in the morning.

Talks continue in earnest.

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