Hawthorne Helpdesk bans Facebook

Employees at Hawthorne Helpdesk had reportedly been spending too much time on social media and streaming videos, prompting management to block the websites altogether.

“It’s a real pain, actually,” explains Account Executive Harry Simkins. “I used to spend about 60 percent of my time trolling people on Youtube comment threads, but now username 14yroldboybutbetterthanyou is lying dormant.”

However rather than the boost in productivity that management hoped for, the move has actually just increased the range of online extra-curriculars. “It’s so annoying, I’ve been forced to start reading improving articles just to get through the day,” says Executive Assistant Amy James. “I’ve even started taking Mandarin courses, when all I want to be doing is judging my friends’ beach bodies on Facebook.  Those mean comments won’t write themselves”.

The change has had severe negative effect on some members of the office. Sales rep Jim Wilson has been particularly struggling. “I’m becoming so well rounded as a person,” he tells HBR, “I’ve completely lost the ability to do banter with the boys. If I learn another useful and interesting fact I think I’ll go mad.”

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