Tag Archives: Facebook

What is in a name?

Data Scientist is the sexiest job of the 21st Century, according to the learned scribes at the other HBR, which is pretty good for a title that has only been around for 8 years (apparently coined in 2008 at either Facebook or LinkedIn). However the question on everyone’s lips is why on earth scientists didn’t think of using data before that? And more concerningly, where did they get all their ideas from?

Data, after all, is defined as “facts and statistics collected together for reference or analysis.” That sounds pretty business crucial, and like something that should have been thought of well before the 21st century! We can only be grateful to the kind folk at Facebook or LinkedIn for rescuing us from such barbarism.

Advertisements
Tagged , , , , , , ,

Entrepreuninsight: Ant-esocial

One of the internet’s greatest gifts is its ability to connect people. Anyone with an internet connection can communicate with the whole world, give or take local censorship laws, which would have seemed inconceivable not long ago.

However mankind, unused to such a vast social vista, has tended to form tribes in corners of the internet, communities tied together by a certain webpage, and sometimes also by real-life experience. These are social networks, and in many cases they have outgrown their virtual corner, with Facebook and Twitter sprawling greedily across cyberspace.

The central tenet of all such sites is communication, between members, the site and the advertisers who (oftentimes) pay the bills, and websites are always trying to increase their user engagement. However for some people, this constant communication is a real turn-off. Ralph Arkleton was one such user.

“It was just a bit much, or that’s how I felt,” explains Ralph. “Why did people keep contacting me, or projecting their opinions on me? I wanted to be on Facebook, but I didn’t want to have to deal with all of that. That’s why I started Ant-esocial, the internet’s first antisocial network”

Founded in early 2013, Ant-esocial closely resembles Facebook, but you soon notice the subtle differences. Instead of a newsfeed, the Ant-esocial homepage simply reads “Nothing to see here, do whatever you want.” The messenger function is conspicuous by its absence. And while you can see other people on the site, if you click on anyone’s profile, a pop-up reads “Easy there, give them some space.”

“I’m an introvert, really. So is half of the population of the US. This site is for them,” says Ralph, as he stares contentedly at his No-newsfeed. “People ask why be part of a network at all, and that’s a good question. I don’t know either, but I do definitely want to belong. I just don’t want to have to talk to people.”

Ralph is not alone, with socially reserved users signing up in droves. “We have no idea who they are, of course,” says Ralph. “I would never be so forward as to ask them to fill in personal information. I’m just glad that they’re there, and that they’re not trying to communicate with me.”

Tagged , , , , , ,

Hawthorne Helpdesk bans Facebook

Employees at Hawthorne Helpdesk had reportedly been spending too much time on social media and streaming videos, prompting management to block the websites altogether.

“It’s a real pain, actually,” explains Account Executive Harry Simkins. “I used to spend about 60 percent of my time trolling people on Youtube comment threads, but now username 14yroldboybutbetterthanyou is lying dormant.”

However rather than the boost in productivity that management hoped for, the move has actually just increased the range of online extra-curriculars. “It’s so annoying, I’ve been forced to start reading improving articles just to get through the day,” says Executive Assistant Amy James. “I’ve even started taking Mandarin courses, when all I want to be doing is judging my friends’ beach bodies on Facebook.  Those mean comments won’t write themselves”.

The change has had severe negative effect on some members of the office. Sales rep Jim Wilson has been particularly struggling. “I’m becoming so well rounded as a person,” he tells HBR, “I’ve completely lost the ability to do banter with the boys. If I learn another useful and interesting fact I think I’ll go mad.”

Tagged , , , , , , ,